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You've got those tired eyes all the time..
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| Before you |
[14 Jul 2009|03:26am] |
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Before you I had never been upstate before, now a year and a few months later, I live upstate.
Before you, I had never felt protected and safe, now I don't have to fear anything when I'm with you.
Before you, I couldn't picture my life outside of my parents home, now I'm three hours away.
Before you, the world wasn't a real thing, it was a fantasy, I had no real goals, and no real plans, now things are coming together.
Before you, I was never really happy, it was fake, I was missing something from my life, now my heart feels complete.
Before you, I was afraid of trusting someone completely, I was afraid of exposing myself completely, now I'm here in front of you, with my heart completely open and it's the scariest thing I've ever faced, but for some reason, I'm not that afraid anymore, because I trust you.
Before you, I hated admitting I had flaws and imperfections, but you know them, and you still love them.
Before you, my life was nothing, now I have everything.
I am on top of the world because you, Matthew Dennis Mannhaupt, are mine.
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| I've been thinking long and hard, it's a breakthrough, read it please. |
[09 Oct 2008|02:02am] |
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music |
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Beautiful Love - The afters |
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Autumn is the perfect time to fall in love. The perfect time to find that someone special to cuddle with and keep warm all winter, but it isn't going to happen this fall for me.
I have never felt so comfortable being alone before in my entire life, because I don't think since I started dating, that I was ever COMPLETELY alone, without even "talking" to a potential someone.
Of course, it's taking some getting used to, because I am a relationship person, straight and to the point.
There are some people that are fine with going years without ever being in a relationship, I've never been one of those people.
Since Nick and I ended our two year relationship, it's been a roller coaster with guys for me. I went right for Matt, and wanted something out of that, ultimately, it would have crashed and burned worse than anything because I simply was not ready for it. Moving on, there were throughout the summer a few potential interests, which lead into my relationship with Twomey...
After being straight up DUMPED by him, it made me realize, that it just is not worth it. It's not worth wasting time leaping into relationships to simply be in one. It hit me finally, and it all makes sense.
My friends have always told me I need to just be alone for a bit, and not LOOK for anyone, and that is when I will meet someone who will move me. It could take months, or it could take years.
For now, I feel 100% focused on my job, and I am doing a damn good job there. I'm trying to be focused on doing things for MYSELF, which I never really did before. I've always lived for others, now I'm living for me.
It feels really refreshing to not be constantly caught up on someone else. It makes me really happy that I seem to be actually doing well being alone. It makes me feel independent for once in my life. Nobody else is there to make me happy except myself. I think this is really what I need to grow up, it really is.
Of course, it gets lonely on the cold nights, but I can get through it. This is the time for me to change and grow, and I need to do it on my own.
For those of you that actually read that, thank you, and I hope that you will support me on this, because I'll need to surround myself with some good people. I've narrowed and weeded out the true from the fake, so now I'm gonna act on that.
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| Breathe. |
[11 Jun 2008|12:50am] |
One step at a time, there's no need to rush.
It's going to happen the way it's supposed to happen.
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| mushy christmas message |
[25 Dec 2007|01:56pm] |
Merry Christmas everyone!
Enjoy this special time with your family, friends and all those who you love, because I know I will.
Everyone liked their presents this year, though Nick and I have yet to exchange, I'm sure it'll be awesome.
Love you all <3
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| Promotions |
[19 Nov 2007|12:48am] |
They made me Floor Supervisor at Sunrise, but that store needs ALOT of work. It's my little project I think, maybe i I do a great job there, they will bring me back to Roosevelt as an Assistant Manager, although I don't think I really want that anyway, I'd rather just go over there as Floor Sup. Anyway, I'm excited but so nervous, and I'll really miss Nikki, because me and her had a great close tonight, even though it took us 2 hours to finally leave. She's great and I need to make sure I always talk to her, she'll be my mentor. Anyway, everything else is going well, school is going fabulous, my dad's birthday went really good, even though it wasn't according to plan.
Me and Lau did Bikram Yoga last week, where you do yoga for an hour and a half in a room heated to 105 degrees. I don't really know how I survived. hahah I don't know if I can do it again, but we'll see.
Oh and by the way, the first words out of my mouth after we finished yoga was "I need ice cream" lmfao hahahah I'm a fat ass for sure
I had a sleepover with my Nicky last night and it was good. It's always so good to wind down with him on the weekends and we had 2 sleepovers this weekend which made it even better. I can't wait to buy him more Christmas presents!
Christmas is a comin, and I'm gettin in the spirit. I'm so excited for Thanksgiving because for the past 2 Thanksgivings I've worked and I haven't been able to watch the parade or be fully energized to hang out with the fam, so I'm looking forward to this holiday actually being a holiday!
Hmm what else what else, I don't really know what else to say, so I suppose thats it for now.
Oh and I got my hair cut and dyed, and it's red on top and black underneith, it's fabulous.
Happy Thanksgiving if I don't write until then!
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| Autumn |
[03 Nov 2007|11:57am] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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Autumn is such a fabulous time. I'm finally done at the bagel place, last Sunday was my last day, and it felt amazing. Having one job is great, I feel like a normal human being again and not a fucking zombie. Things have been alright. I went into the city for Halloween with Nick Alex Mike Alyssa and Ben, it was fabulous, and I got pretty drunk, but had class the next morning, needless to say, I skipped my first class. I hungout with Lau and Ali the other night, it was verrrry funny, and we played guitar hero 3 which hurt our wrists alotttt. It was my grandpas birthday, he was so shaky, it scared me, I hope everything will be okay. Oh well. Anyway, I'm getting ready for work right now, and tonight is girls night with Kristin. It should be fun, then later we reunite with the boys for whatever we'll end up doing. I'm listening to Christmas music and it's so great. I need to make sure I have enough money for christmas presents. I really want to go to midnight mass this Christmas because I finally won't have to work on Christmas. woooo Okay, that's about it.
Happy Fall!
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| SHOUT! |
[20 Oct 2007|12:26am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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American Girl - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers |
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Today was fucking fabulous. Woke up next to Nicky, and it was great.
Worked 10 - 5, half of the lights went out in our store and our registers went down so we had to do transactions manually, but it made things so interesting. Everyone got along tonight, and we were actually having such a fun time. I really like working with Seanny, and obviously Kelli, but that's a given. Seanny is such a sweetheart.
Tonight was something I REALLY needed. I went to Alex's around 6 and we hungout and had funny talks. Then everyone ended up coming over, and we all just hung out, some drank some didnt, including myself, we got pizza, and had singalongs. It was just great seeing everyone get along so well. We ended the night dancing to "shout" like assholes. It was so much fun. I really am thankful for my friends.
Me Alex Alyssa and Nick being the mall employees that we are decided that since the mall opens at 5am on black friday, that we are going to ask for the 5am shift, go to sleep after thanksgiving festivities, meet up at 12am and hangout all night, watch movies, drink alot of coffee and get bagels before heading to work at 5am. It's gonna be so much fun. hahah
Things are FINALLY looking up, and I don't feel stressed for the first time in a long time. My last two days at the bagel place are tomorrow and next sunday, and a HUGE weight is being lifted off my shoulders.
Goodnight!
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| Wow, a real update? |
[10 Oct 2007|11:06pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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Ohio - Neil Young |
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Okay, so I haven't updated in quite some time. Well I mean a REAL REAL update anyway. I figure maybe I should just give the run down of what's been going on, and maybe try to keep a better journal like old times.
Well, I'm finally in college which is about 390280238 times better than high school. I really actually enjoy it there. Everywhere I go I see someone I know, and I love it. Nick is with me and in two of my classes which makes it even more awesome.
Work sucks right now, I'm so over worked it's retarded, on top of going to school full time, I also have been working between my two jobs about 42 hours a week. I finally quit the bagel place though, but I gave a months notice, so October will be hell month, but when it's over, everything will be so much more stress free.
Other than that, everything else is good. Tonight I made cookies with this girl that belongs to the design innovators club, (which I also belong to) at school, we made them for a breast cancer awareness event we are having tomorrow. It should be great, we drew little pink ribbons on them with pink icing, its awesome.
Anyway, I'll try to keep updating as much as possible, but so far just work and school has been the thing. Hopefully more fun will happen soon, sleepovers with my Nicky, and nights with Lau have really been the only thing keeping me sane.
Goodnight friends.
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| So long sweet summer... |
[30 Aug 2007|01:53am] |
Once again, sweet summer, you have come to an end like always.
Thank you for a good break, and it's my in between time, off to college.
A one year anniversary, and an 18th birthday.
It's been good, and Autumn is a great season, so bring it on.
<33
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| one year. |
[31 Jul 2007|07:58pm] |
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music |
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Warmness on the soul - Avenged sevenfold |
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Your hazel-green tint eyes watch every move I make, and that feeling of doubt, it's erased..
( One year anniversary )
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| 5 years old! |
[15 May 2007|06:12pm] |
Happy 5th Birthday to the prettiest little niece I could ever ask for!
Gabrielle<3
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| I almost got pulled over by a fake cop |
[09 May 2007|07:22pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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So I was driving on hempstead turnpike and some idiot guy is driving really slow, so I go in front of him but didn't cut him off, and then he beeps at me! So I gave him the finger, and then he puts like lights on, they were like red and yellow flashing lights by the rearview mirror so first I as like UGH FUCKKK I FLIPPED OFF A POLICE OFFICER but then again he was driving like an idiot
Anyway, so my dad told me if an unmarked car ever tries to pull you over, always call 911 and find out if its an actual police car or not, so I called them, and they were like okay we don't have a car in that area, describe the car, so I did but I still couldn't see the license plate number or whatever anyway I kept driving and as soon as he saw I was on the phone he shut his lights off so then she told me that he definately wasn't a cop and to keep driving down hempstead so that a police could come but he sped off and got onto the 135 south, and so they filed a police officer report and the police dispatcher was like
"well he made the wrong decision by going on south, because I have an officer there and traffic is so bad it's nearly stopped."
So yeah, everyone, don't pull over if an unmarked car is pulling you over unless you call the police and find out if it is indeed a cop!
Seriously like the police officer said that he definately didn't target me for no reason, he saw I was a young girl, and he went after me, I hate that girls really can't do anything without having to worry about their safety it disgusts me.
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| A good entry finally. |
[07 May 2007|10:22pm] |
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mood |
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 better |
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We love each other enough to work it out, and things are good again.
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| The worst day in a while |
[01 May 2007|03:16pm] |
Looking at my yearbook makes me depressed,
not because I'm going to miss all of those people, but because I won't miss any of them.
It feels like I wasted four years in a place where I never even left a mark.
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| The sun really does make you tired |
[23 Apr 2007|10:28pm] |
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music |
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The Early November |
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22 days left of High school and I couldn't be any happier.
Things are pretty good, the warm weather gets me so hyper it's so funny. I can't stay inside, and I get so much done, it rules.
I went to RI the other weekend with Nick, Lisa and Mike and we got stuck in Connecticut coming home because everything was flooded, it was funny though.
Today, I went to the beach by myself, it was really relaxing. I just laid out for two hours and enjoyed it, I got a pretty nice start on my tan too.
Tonight me and Nick bought two hermit crabs, we named them Hermes and Aphrodite. They're adorable, I love them!
That's about it, Goodnight!
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| Spring break madness |
[10 Apr 2007|01:37pm] |
Alright so like, Nick is the most manly driver ever and I will tell you why.
So last night, me Nick Katy and Melissa decide we want to drive to scary places. So we drive around oyster bay and whatever and then we decide to drive to Mt. Misery to look for some wall that says 666 on it or something. So we go down Sweet Hollow Rd. and whatever and everything's fine. Melissa's driving and we're in her car, and we see this open garage, so we decide we want to drive into it. Melissa was too scared to, so Nick switched, and he drove.
Anyway, we get up to Mt. Misery and we see nothing but a dead end. There were two cars sitting like, police style at the end, and we had our brights on because you can't see shit there, and when we turned around we must have flashed our brights at these kids or whatever, we think they were probably smoking weed. Anyway, so we start to drive away and one of the kids flashes his brights at us. We just keep driving, when we notice that they are now following us, both cars are like up our asses completely.
The one behind us turns off his lights and so now we're getting freaked out, but Nick was pretty calm, he was like whatever you're letting them win if you're freaked out, just calm down. So me and melissa are sitting in the back like under the blanket we brought and katy is in the front trying to remain calm.
So we're almost out of Mt. Misery when one of their cars cut in front of us like swived completely in front of us on this really narrow little road. They start breaking aprubtly and there was another car full of them behind us. We were like trapped, Katy and Melissa are screaming for Nick to stop, but instead Nick speeds up RIGHT next to them flooring it trying to get in front of them, it didn't work, so he like FLIES around a turn and it was like police chase style. We like get trapped and one of them like gets out of the car looking like he's ready to fight, as soon as he gets close to the car nick FLOORS it to get away, we went around turns like crazy on a gravel road and finally escaped onto a main road when they just left us alone finally. I think I screamed OH MY GOD OH MY GOD the whole way. Wow.
Seriously like, I don't know what would have happened if me katy or melissa was driving, but I don't even want to know. Anyway, Nick was the hero of the night and now we can laugh about it ahahah. Wow.
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| love |
[05 Apr 2007|10:56am] |
I cannot live without you.
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